Tag: post

My Story is HIStory: How My Life was Wrecked and Made New

Faith

 

Hello everyone,

Today’s blog post is a little different from the norm. This is me, fully opening up about what my secret struggles were the past 1.5- 2 years of my life. I promised God that I would consecrate this blog to Him, (That will be explained in a later post) setting aside all my fears and putting all my faith and trust in Him. His will be done. So, here it is, my story and how it is a part of HIStory.

Pornography. Nonchalantly embedded into our society as though we were talking Friday night dinner plans.

Well, here is my story about how pornography and the spirit of perversion turned me into a walking grave.

I grew up in a Christian home with loving parents and the best family you could ask for. I always went to church with my family, and “gave” my life to Christ when I was 4 years old. Since I can remember, I was a pretty jolly kid with a love for fashion, singing/music, electricity, and math. I would always wonder how the TV turned on, or the lights. I stole my sisters karaoke machine that she got for Christmas and would always use it to jam out to Stacie Orrico. My favorite music has always been worship music! I also created little magazines and my own fashion illustrations.

Fast forward and I am an adult. Specifically, 23 years old. My lifestyle is just like any normal 23 year old just out of college. Learning how to adult/figure out who I am/my purpose in life. If I am being completely honest, I do not remember exactly when or how I started watching porn, I’m pretty sure it was just out of curiosity wondering what could be the hype? If it is so common in society, it obviously cannot be that bad. I mean, I remember it being discussed in episodes of some of my favorite TV shows that I watched, so clearly it was NBD. Although, I do not remember the exact date/time/”first porno” etc. I do remember having a continuous weird ache in my pit and heavy shoulders.

Life continues, and I remember watching it about once a month, a few times a month, to weekly, to almost daily, to the point where sometimes I had to watch it in order to fall asleep. The spirit of perversion had come upon my life and tormented me in every aspect of my life. It consumed many hours. I kept thinking that my sole purpose in life was to be a slave. A slave to porn. A slave to this spirit. I viewed myself as a sex slave, and started to accept it. The weirdest thing is, I could hear, physically hear whispers, of the spirit say to me things like “you’re a sex slave”, “you must find someone to please”, “you were made solely for the pleasure of men, that is what you are worth.” It was so audible and clear, that I had given up things I really wanted in life to porn. These lies manifested themselves into every.single.aspect of my life. I would try to open my computer to blog and the demon would say “you cannot be a blogger.”  “You really think people are going to listen to you?” “You can’t be a leader.” “What person wants a leader full of secretive filth?” “You’re addicted to porn, so you need to fix that first.” The list goes on and on. I would try distracting myself by working out, or going out to eat, shopping, therapy, reading, literally everything. I tried it. I did. I kept going to the doctor because there was a pain in me. Every time I would try to worship, I would just go into tears. That spirit would tell me, “why are you trying to worship? You’re not worthy of that.” So I stopped listening to worship music. I then, became very depressed, cynical, jealous, and evil. I was jolly in public, and around my family, but when I came home to the solitude of my apartment, the thoughts would continue to germinate, crumbling my mind, soul and spirit. Then, the unbelievable happened. My brother’s best friend passed away due to cancer. I. Was. Pissed! I cursed God. And I cursed Him a lot. That friend was a good person. A man after God’s heart, and I was not. Really God? You couldn’t take me instead? I was the worthless one. That was the last straw, and I rebelled even more down the path of self destruction, continuing to be happy on the outside, but completely lifeless on the inside. I was a walking grave, thinking I was fooling the world, as my soul was withering away. Sin and the grave were boasting at how they had taken over my heart. This pit demon had its cloud of darkness suffocating me.

Winter break for my siblings rolls around, and everyone is home. I’ve missed my siblings and family. They were the only reason I kept going at this point. We were all sitting in the family room one afternoon and one of my sisters kept talking about this Recess thing. Recess this! Recess that! I love Jesus! blah blah blah. SU. Literally, she would not shut up about it. All winter break, all I heard was Recess Recess Recess.

Winter break ends, and my siblings all return back to their lives. As I am scrolling through Instagram, my sister mentions something with that Recess thing. I go to their Instagram page and realize the next “Recess” gathering is coming up. I realize that all of the spots are full so I email the coordinator asking if any spots open up. She says they are all full. I am not surprised. Of course this is just another disappointment.

I kid you not, about 10 minutes later the director emails me saying a spot opened up. I sign up right away and wonder what on earth I just signed up for.

A few weeks later, is the night of the conference. The first night, we spoke about wells and how we need to dive deep into what God has for us. Everything from that night was powerful, yet I was still broken. The next day of the conference, our group goes to Chick-Fil-A with some of the Houston girls. I see a girl across the way and in my mind I say “If that girl realizes what I am going through, then I will discuss it.” That night we continued to talk about our wells and how to seek Jesus. I went home sad because this secret was still with me. The last night of the conference, I have no idea what is in store for me. We learn about the different ways Satan enters our lives and what repentance really means. Then, we are told to break into groups. I see the girl from Chick-Fil-A going to the back. I stay in my seat. I’m not trying to be with that girl. Next thing you know, she starts moving to the front group. I get up, keep my head down, and walk to the back group. Then, of course, the girl from Chick-Fil-A turns around and sees me in the back group and comes to the back group. Fan-tastic! So we start praying, we pray for one girl and as we start praying for her I start sobbing, uncontrollably. When you’re in prayer circles you typically reach out a hand towards the person being prayed for. I felt so unworthy to pray for her in that moment. My hand wanted to reach out to pray for her, but I kept pulling it back. I did not want this evil to consume her too. We finish praying for her. There is a slight pause in the midst of my snorting weeping. The girl I was trying to avoid, says, “I am sensing the spirit of perversion over here.” She is sitting next to me and I raise my hand and continue to weep. I stammer about my past few years and how this spirit has consumed me. The group all lay their hands on me and start to pray for me. Then the girl prays something along the lines of “in the name of Jesus, spirit of perversion, you leave this child of God.” I open my eyes and say “in the name of Jesus, spirit of perversion, you leave me in the the name of Jesus.” As soon as I say that, I feel, literally feel the pit lift out of my stomach to the top of my head and out of my body. The pit is no longer there, and that huge weight is gone. I feel new, and the other girls in my group (if you ever meet them) say I looked new.

Now I’m a walking garden. Full of life, full of joy, full of light, all through the powerful name of Jesus Christ.  The blog has relaunched, and this worship song “What A Beautiful Name” by Hillsong Worship is my current JAM!

Bridge Lyrics for “What A Beautiful Name” by Hillsong Worship

Death could not hold You, the veil torn before You
You silenced the boast, of sin and grave
The heavens are roaring, the praise of Your glory
For You are raised to life again

You have no rival, You have no equal
Now and forever, Our God reigns
Yours is the Kingdom, Yours is the glory
Yours is the Name, above all names

What a powerful Name it is
What a powerful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King

Continue Reading
No Comments

COACH

Fashion

Follow my blog with Bloglovin



Since I can remember, I’ve always had a love for fashion and styling. Growing up I was teased and made fun of for the clothes/outfits I used to style and wear. Or for the clothes I tried to alter into something I liked. For all too long, I held back from diving into the fashion world because I kept listening to the voices of others instead of listening to my own. Around 20 years of age, I received my first Coach bag and decided to learn more about fashion on my own. I was finally able to afford a Coach bag after graduating and getting my first big girl job! Today the surreal has happened, and I have officially partnered up with Coach as one of their influencers for their 75th year anniversary and celebration! This bag is from their saddle bag collection and it is a bag that I use daily because I am pretty simple when it come to purses/bags. I need a bag that can be a cross body so that I do not have to hold it. (wow that sounded super weak)
Photography by Art of Her Photography

Photography by Art of Her 

Saddle Bag: Coach

 

Continue Reading
No Comments

Fashion Inspired by my Favorite Foods

Fashion

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

Hello lovelies! I have been MIA because I’ve been preparing for this post! Ha let me be honest. Not at ALL. Life happens BUT, today I wanted to tie in two of my favorite things as a celebration of my birthday! FASHION AND FOOD! As y’all know I freaking LOVE food, like LOOOOVVVVEEEEE (we’re married) it and so I thought “why not create outfits based on my favorite foods?” And BAM!!!!! Mic drop, ’cause I finally had a new blog post idea. So here it is, a list of my favorite foods and the outfits I created around them. So, even though I posted (on Instagram) a nice picture of myself in a nice dress, looking all classy, do not be fooled, cause there is no class with what I’m about to indulge in today and I DON’T CARE! What I am actually doing right now, is wearing that “classy” dress while messily stuffing my face with all this deliciousness that you’re gonna read about AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Now THAT is what I call a birthday celebration!
FIRST STOP/food fave: LASAGNA (from anywhere as long as it’s good)
My favorite lasagna was from Florence Italy at a place called Gallery, which is right across from the night club Red Garter. If you ever visit Florence YOU MUST GO! Ever since, I’ve been craving it but American lasagna will do.
The camel represents the lasagna pasta sheets and the meat (yes meat) the red is the sauce. That’s it. I’m eating lasagna.
SECOND STOP: TACOS!
I like my tacos like my faux furs. Soft.
Fun fact! Did you know I live at Torchey’s? Nah, jk but I wish, ’cause then I could eat there for free. I am so sad that Moon Tower closed ’cause their tacos were off the charts, outta this world, off the grid. I’m so sad. Maybe if we share this post enough, we can bring them back to life! #ripmoontower
Whoever came up with the idea of TACO TUESDAY. I love you. This outfit post goes out to you.
THIRD STOP: SHELLFISH Ocean Prime and Red Lobster
I’m allergic to fish. The swimming kind. But you bet I will eat the meat outta some crustaceans! GIRL/BOY have you ever BEEN to Red Lobster? Oh you have, well have you HAD their LOBSTER PIZZA (crap I forgot about pizza!-HOW?) Well, that Lobster pizza might be the next best thing after Jesus’ birth so if y’all have not tried it. Go give it a try.
Ocean PRIME! You are so bomb and I love that you do all the hard work so I can just eat the crab/lobster meat. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!
The red leather jacket represents that hard shell that you have to crack open. My black and white striped dress is that crap/lobster meat, and the blue shoes because, well, they come from the ocean!
4TH STOP: DESSERT- MRS. FIELDS CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
LET ME TELLLL YOU, Chocolate Chip Cookies are my weakness. I don’t do heights but if you tell me there’s a cookie at the bottom of a cliff….. well BYE ’cause I’m jumpin’! If you say to me go curse out your ex, I’ll do it for a gift card to Mrs. Fields. And trust me he won’t pull crap like that again. You tell me to rob a bank ….. ok too far. You get it, I LOVE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES. For my 23rd birthday I got a giant cookie cake (from Mrs Fields of course) with a #MERMAID on it! #cookiegoals
 
Well these are my food inspired birthday outfits and I think I will make this an annual thing because it was so fun and I realized I missed a lot more of my favorite foods.
Bye!!!
Continue Reading
No Comments

Fairy Tale Birthday

Fashion

Today is my 26th birthday and wow! I cannot believe I am 26! Holy crap! 25 was a great year ’cause last year this time I was in Miami for my birthday with some of my close friends! That was awesome! While I was 25, I traveled to Houston in May and saw Beyoncé in concert!!!! That was amazing and it was actually an item on my bucket list. In July I met up with my friend in LA and drove down the PCH to meet up with another friend and spend the fourth of July in San Diego. Watching fireworks off the pier was incredible and I hope to do that again some time! Another one of my friends lives in San Francisco and so my friend Angeleah and I traveled to SF to see her. I hadn’t been there in years so it was amazing to go back again! My last little trip was to Boston to see my sister who had a health conference there. My other sister Crystal who lives here in Colorado traveled with me and we surprised her at about 11 pm! She was pretty much asleep so idk (I’m gonna use text language in my blog) if she was actually surprised or thought it was a dream. In Boston, we met up with my mom, aunt and one of my moms friends and had dinner on the Boston Harbor in a yacht. There was a DJ on the yacht that was so live! Overall, these travels made it an amazing year!

This year I truly did realize something, and that is that most of my friends do not actually live in Colorado. While that may be upsetting to some, it has made me realize that our friendship is not defined by the physical distance but by our support and encouragement for one another. It is pretty awesome to know that your friends are all around the world accomplishing their goals and dreams. To all my friends out there I want you to know that you inspire me.

This year for my birthday I am actually eating. I am traveling to my favorite restaurants and eating ALL FREAKING DAY! That is the fairy tale folks! One of my friends comes in from Houston and another is here from LA, so it is nice that we will get to meet up again!


Our friendship is not defined by the physical distance, but by our support and encouragement for one another

This dress is from Shop Akira

Photos by Jenna Sparks Photography

 

Continue Reading
No Comments

Lady in Red

Fashion

Follow my blog with Bloglovin



Sometimes I like to think of fashion as dressing up just like I used to as a little girl!

I know it sounds so naive and childish but dreaming and pretending are a part of life and making your dreams reality! This Christmas, I am so excited to just hang out with my brother and sisters! We only see each other about twice a year so I cannot wait for them to come home and for us to joke and hang out together!!!

 

     

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Photography by : Corey Anthony Lifestyle

Dress/ Coat: Shopakira

Continue Reading
No Comments

Glosshouz Spa Body Wrap

Fashion Lifestyle
Glosshouz I must say is one of my favorite places to go when it comes to anything beauty! When you walk in, it is like an oasis, you’re welcomed by the nail bar (literally you get your nails done at a bar!) and gorgeous bright decor and lighting. I kid you not every time I walk in there it is like I forget all that is going on in the world and I am able to relax. I am then showed to the locker room and am given a robe and some slippers. At Glosshouz, they have a pre-relaxation room where you can rest, sip on a mimosa or some champagne before you get your treatment. I proceeded to my room where my body wrap was to be done.
I get undressed and lie on the table provided and my treatment begins. First, they exfoliate your skin with a dead sea salt scrub. The scrub, is then wiped off and the seaweed gel is applied. The gel is a transparent green and it feels nice on the body, especially after the scrub. You’re then wrapped in foil so that your body creates heat and the gel can sink deeper into the skin. I do not remember how long you keep this foil wrapped around you because I fell asleep lol. (That’s a good thing right!)
The next part is interesting. You can either proceed with a bath and soak in oils and other moisturizers. Or, you can do a table shower. I am not really a bath person so I chose the shower. You stay on the table and they literally shower you. You then dry off and get dressed and relax in the relaxation room. You can get another smoothie or mimosa or
 
When I went in before the procedure my skin was normal, a bit dry (normal for me) and nothing great about it. After I had finished with the procedure, I noticed even as my skin was dry it was extremely smooth. I used the oils and lotions they had provided in the locker room. I honestly did not know my skin could be so soft! I had soft skin for about 2-3 weeks and my stomach was oddly flatter than normal which I did not realize could happen, which was a plus! I definitely would recommend getting this if you are getting married and want to be soft for you know what! If you’re going on vacation it is perfect too to add that extra glow to your skin! I definitely will be getting another one so that I can be smooth through the winter months!
For Glosshouz packages and services click here! Let me know what you think of this place!
Continue Reading
No Comments